N Lvl

N Lvl is Tmr and I can't seem to study ... Idk what is wrong with me ... I am sad. Mostly it is because today is 6th. But I though I have move on ?? OMG. I don't like this feelings. All I am thinking now is "will he want me back after n Lvl ? What must I do to make him come back ? " but he seems to be so happy without me and he might now even rmb our memories anymore .... I really want to forget u and move on .... Pls help me ..... 

Happy day

Didn't go sch for like almost the whole week. It's kind of good thing I guess. I didn't see my ex and I can live happily without thinking of him. There are people around me who will be able to cheer me up. Thanks for all my friends around me cheering me up. Had a night out with Vanessa and I was so damn happy. I finally got the bag that I bought from online and it was damn nice !!!!! Super nice and it make me so so happy. First time I am happy with the thing I bought from online hahahha. 

Swimming !!

Went swimming with my cca friend and omg it was so awesome. It make me released all my stress and I felt so relaxing !! Shall go after n agn !! Got a lot of things to do after my exam. CANT WAIT FOR MY N LVL TO FINISH !!!! 

This guy is making me happy. But he is just flirting with me from what I see. All the things he doing make me happy .. But he talk to a lot of girls and he might be sweet to them too ... I really dk what to do ... I am trying not to like him but he is making me like him ....I don't want relationship now .... My heart still haven't recover from the previous one ... 

School

School was super boring :( I went to school to see someone but it is too boring :( it feels like graduation day is nth at all. Still got school after graduation day -.- I wonder why do they even call it a graduation day. Sucks. 

Gone ..

Had a fun chat with my twinnie like always and there is this boy who texting me now adays and ya he is really funny. He make me happy and he will make me laugh even in public hahah. He cheer me up since he knew what exactly happened between me and my ex. He is really good in cheering people up hahah ... 

I dd had a bad time today coz of my friend. She said as if everything was my fault so I got angry and I kind of like scold her. And I knew I was wrong. She is telling me all that just because she doesn't want me to get into trouble and  I scolded her. But people can't understand how much bullshit I went through during this 2 years. When I got together with my ex , everyone in class was like scolding me because one of my best friend liked him. I knew it and I still got together with him so everyone was like saying " su betray her " " how can he do that " " she is a bitch " and many more insults. I took it bravely ... Because I don't wanna leave him. I didn't even tell him all this because I don't want him to feel stress ... So it's like I went through all this bullshits by myself and when things finally get okay , he left me ... He may have stress when being with me. But , I don't believe that is worse than the stress I have been through because of him ? Now he is one of the people who is insulting me. People change. .. He told me he love me and he wanna Marry me. I guess I am so stupid enough to actually believed all that. Now we r over. I cried and beg for him to come back. But he went further away from me. I don't wanna stop our conversation so everyday I make the effort to text when he replied me one word ans and telling people I still controlling him. So ya. Alright. I stop texting him. I deleted all our pic and text. Gone. Everything gone. We r stranger now. U even went out with a girl. Wah. Improvement huh .... Good luck than. Because that girl attitude is worse thn mine. If u two get tgt , I really wish u both good luck :) 

Revenge

So , this small girl said that he making her close to her coz she want to revenge me back. And when I heard tht I laugh my ass out!! Because , to take revenge back on the person , u need to be much more better than the person u want to take revenge. And oh please , I am not saying I am perfect but ... Hahahah. U are worse than me. And u think u can take revenge , if only he is stupid enough. It shows clearly that he doesn't want to entertain u small girl !! I think u need to know how take revenge before u even take one. Want me teach u ?? Hahah I will teach u free. :). Really childish mind. REALLY. 

Had a fun study date with my so called daughter !! Hahaha. We didn't even study !!! Talked about our life and past life since we got so many things to catch up on each other. Hahha really had fun with her omg !!! And yes !!! The stitch !! I LOVE STITCH HAHAHAH 

Memories memories memories ... Why did I even have so much memories with him , everywhere .... 

And ya ... Memories came back to me ....   So I wanted to go out so badly to make myself forget .. None of my freinds are free ... End up being alone . Decided to watch movie online , get scolded by my parents ... I wonder " what is he doing now ? Is he missing me ?? " 0.0000001% is missing me when 99.99999% has totally forgetten about me ... Why ?? We spend so much time together ... Why so easy to forget? People tell me " he look like he move on already ". I know. I know he move on , I want to too. But I am stuck in the past still .. Only 50% of me has move on. Laughing an joking around with people like I am happy but only I myself know the real feeling of me. I still miss him .. When people call him and ask help , I wish I can call and ask him to help me too .. But he didn't come to me .. He go to other girls ... I am still loving u baby .. Pls look back once and think back of the memories we spend together ... Maybe u will want to come back to me .. If only 5% of u care about me , I am happy. I just need u care for me like how u use to .... Love u so much ... 

Friends

20th September : thx to those stupid frens in class with me , I was able to forget my stress and be crazy with them. They make me laugh and go crazy which is a good things. There are there for me when I need them the most ... I can't believe I didn't talk to them coz of tht someone.... I feel sorry to them. But even after I betray them , they still stay with me and make me happy when I need them the most. I love u all friends. Thx for being there for me and making me happy 

Guys

Guys are all the same I guess .... I care and got feelings for guys who DOSENT care abt me .. I don't like those  who care about me and put me in first everytime. Weird .. Ya. U told me u love me. But I know u don't love me. U r just playing with me or this feeling might be awhile only ... I know it only last awhile ... I knew it and I still love u ... Why ?? Guys are always like tht ?? Why do u even fall in love with a guy who don't care abt me 

Idk why I am feeling like this again !! It's sucks. For a while u make me laugh make me love u. But after all that , u left me.... Why everyone like to leave me alone ... Making me feel pain ?? I hate this feeling .... SUCKS !!! 

Used

I dw to get used anymore and getting heartbroken agn ... Pls don't hurt me anymore ... Once is enough. I don't need an another person coming into my life and use me again .. I am not a toy. I have a feeling too ... Pls .. Pls pls ... IDW get used anymore ... Pls leave me alone if u r not serious ... I have no time for ur childish game ... 

Did so badly for my n Lvl ss paper :( Haiss. I should get ready to go ite alr ... Studies so much and in the end what I studied didn't came out -.- wasted and regret -.- should study from the start of the year -.- now is too late to turn back ... BUT thx to someone that make me happy today :D now I am just gonna study hard for my other sub ... Hope can go sec5 ATLEAST .... 

Had my first n Lvl paper today and it was .... Idk what to say .... Until now I don't feel that n Lvl is here. Wtf is wrong with me ? I should have study and do well for my n Lvl so that I can hav a happy holiday ... Now it's too late OMG ..... I do things without using my brain and end up getting regret ... I really need to change ... 

N Lvl !!

I am not ready for n Lvl yet how ?? :( Haiss. I don't feel like I am taking n Lvl this year ... I just enjoy myself for the holiday and now I am too late to study for my N Lvl -.-  I should hav studied earlier :( 

FUN !!

Had fun with this crazy fren of mine. She is sick actually. But because I tell her I no mood , she went out with me and cheer me up. SO TOUCHED !!! Very happy to have a friend like her !!!! How I wish I hav a sister like her. U can vent all ur anger and tell everything to her and she will understand how u feel and alw cheer me up. Love u la twinnie 😘😘😘😘

Boring ...

No plan of going out today. Stuck at home and trying to study for my N Lvl but nth went inside my head. I am just too hyper and having shopping mood what should I do ?!?!? :( I enjoy my life now .. YOLO. I should be happy instead of being sad. Nothing last forever. That's true. I am too busy to care for people who insult me and talk bad abt me. "MOVE ON SU. U can do it " kept telling myself and Tadah !!! Now I am happy with my life. I enjoy being single. Making new friends and hanging out with them. !!!! Meeting my friends everyday without caring what someone will say and without giving my precious time to someone who doesn't love me. Oh ya. Thx for the past u gave me. I enjoy it and I love it. And ya. U make me become strong .... Thx for that too. Now we r nth more thn classmate. I feel nth towards u. Thx for making me move on. And ya. Pls don't come beg me one day. Coz I am really disappointed in u 😊😊

Crazy

Meet van after my study date with ave. van also make me happy. She alw good in cheering me up. Ya. It is hard smiling without him with me ... And living in my own world .... But I find it good sometimes ... I hav no one to care when I wan to do something or talk to some guys. I no need care who will get jealous ... Being single is good thing I guess .... But thn. Ofcourse I still want him ..... Will love him forever and alw ..... 

I tot u might text me if I stop texting u ... But guess what ... Think I am the only one who is hurting and u r more happier coz I didn't text u .... R u happy ?? I wanna text u and talk like last time agn ... But ... It's impossible .... 

Where r u when I need u the most .... U just left me here like this ... Without looking back ..... I miss u so much .... I am dying .... 

I deleted our text ... Our photos .... And everything ... But I can't erase u from my heart and I can't erase our memories ... What must I do to make u get out from my mind ??? I am stuck in the past ..... I can't move on ...... 

Insult

I am a girl tht u spent ur 1 year plus with ar ... Can't believe u got the heart to insult me. Say I use u and all. Nice ... Thx for insulting me .... Thx for going around telling other ppl bad things abt me ... I tot u will never ever  do this to me .... Ya. My fault for trusting u so much ... Thx to u .. I learn not to trust ppl easily le 

6th sept

Today supposed to be 16 month Tgt with him .. Nev even text me already. Guess he has forgotten everything .... 

Life without u

Trying to live my life without u ... Guess now I am use to it .. Missing u everyday. Laughing and being happy with my fren and crying myself at night because I miss u so much ... Well .., Vanessa ask me out today since I was not in a good mood in the morning ... She give me the chocolate and I wasted both of the chocolate -.- she make me laugh like a mad girl and making me forget him for awhile. I guess I can never find a fren like her anywhere. She is the best to me. Always make me laugh with her stupid jokes and making me happy like a stupid girl. Haha. I never felt embarrassed to go out with her and with her cute childishness. Such a cute fren I hav !!! I thx god for giving me a friend like her but I blame god for letting me love life turn into like this ... But ya ... Like I say , I will learn how to live my life without him ...

Lifeless ....

I wanna go back to the time where I cry is only coz I can't get my sweet and forgetting all the sadness once I get the sweet and it only takes like 1 min to forget it. I also want to forget u ....  Didn't text u coz I tot u will realised tht u still need me and miss me ... But I am the one getting hurt in the end ..... What should I do ?? I just wan to die ....

Missing u so Much ......

Hi girl ;) why don't u scold me in face to face ?? Don't dare ?? :) oh thn u dare to scold me in ur OWN BLOG ?? Girl ar .. U younger thn me ar. Don't try to act big pls. U dont dare scold me face to face don't scold me in ur blog too. And u r at the fault ar. Don't act as if u r innocent. Coz u r not at all. Ur words are full of lies. Pls. Pls he truth for once I beg u

Do u still care abt me or do u not ?? I myself also dk already. I am confuse too. I keep changing my mind in order for me nt to be sad and now I am really confuse. Idk what I want now. Even though I still love u and want u , part of me is scared. Sometimes I think u will come back to me. Sometimes I think u r totally Gone. Sometimes I think u still love me and sometimes I think u hate me ... What r u actually ??

I wanna tell people how much u control me too .. Can I ?? Since u already told people I am controlling u and using u what. U r heartless ... Okay maybe u r not ... But that bitch make u become one. I am tired. Tired of crying over u for everyday when u didn't notice. Tired of not getting ur attention. Tired of seeing u laughing with other ppl. Tired of hearing u say u are happy without me ... Oh okay can. Since u r happy without me , I will leave u alone. It is hard for me but ya. For ur happiness I will do it for u ... U go be happy with other girls .. But do u know ?? No matter whose fault isit now , u will get revenge back ?? U will suffer like how I am suffering now. In future , the girl who u really love will do back the same thing to u. And tht time , u will realized how much did I hurt. And u will realized I am the only one who can love u so much ... But when u realized that , It might be the day I finally forgotten abt you / us / our memories ... But will the day come ?? Until now I can't seem to hate u ... Or just treat u as a classmate .. I can't ...

Confuse

I get it. U hated me ... Then why are u still denying saying that u doesn't hate me when u really did hate me. The one who started the problem was me. Second is her. U r just an innocent guy who doesn't know what is happening around the world. U choose to believe her not me. Why r u so innocent. Didn't I tell u not to trust ppl so much ?? I guess I am the one who spoil u. I make u trust me and thn like what u say " I make use of u " which is not true at all ... I swear I didn't use u. I love u with all my heart. I didn't control u. All of this was coz I love u ... I get jealous I love u ... I control u coz I wanted to be the first in ur life .. I wanted to be the girl u love and only u care about. U know I like to think too much. I am scared ppl might take u away from me that is why I " control " u. Now there is someone who is taking u away from me. I know that and I can't do anything coz u don't believe in me anymore. U believe her. U choose to believe her lies. Maybe she is the one who told u I " use " u. But why do u believe her ?? What did I do to make u think I " use " u. Am I that bad ?? And ya. U r happy without me .. So now what am I going to do ?? Die ?? If I die will u believe I really did love u not using u ?? Do u know I am holding on ?? I am trying to be strong for now so that I won't fail my exam ?? After my exam I will totally break down I swear. Because of exam I am holding on and being strong. It is not coz I can live without u. I miss u everyday every sec. What must I do so that u will believe me agn ?? Do I look that bad in ur eye ?? I wanted to tell u all this but u won't bother to listen anyway .... 

True story

Now I got it. U change the whole story ar ?? Wow pro. Such a pro bitch. How many time u did tht alr ar ?? So clever hor. Say until make me believe u. Hahahha. I didn't knew u were really a bitch. I tot u r a good fren to me. Ya. I only got myself to blame. Now I know the whole story ... I will bring u down. Don't worry. Revenge will come back to u

Attention

I am trying my best to get his attention to me or maybe ATLEAST care abit abt me like how he care abt other girls ... " u and him break up alr. No point loving him. Forget him. Find another guy. " WTF. I didn't treat this rs like a game. Do u know how much I miss u ?? U think I can live without u ? I am just holding on ... After n Lvl I will show u whether I can live happily without u or not ...

Desperate ??

Yes I am desperate. Desperate for him .. I want him and only him .. If there is this guy who is much more handsome thn him and more rich thn him and take good care of me , I still dw to be with the guy. Coz in my eye , only u r perfect baby ... Only I feel safe in ur hand .... When will u come back ...

Moving on ??

I can't concentratr on studies ... Like that how pass my n Lvl .... I just miss him everyday. Wanting to go out with him and study with him ... Will he allow me to go study with him like last time again ?? Haiss ... I can't seek to move on. Friends scold me everyday coz I everytime talk abt him ... But I really can't tak it anymore ... Just miss him so so much ...

Mine ??

Will u be mine again ?? Lol even though I know the answer , I still wanna ask u ... Ya we r young. Too young to find true love. Too young for a serious rs. But do u know ?? When u t beside me , I feel safe. Calling u my bf make me proud and ur hug make me feel tht u will protect me forever. I feel happy around you. You r my entire world. U r this kind of person to me. How can I let u go ?? Ya. I hav so many bf before. But I nev truly love them. U r my first love. U r not my first bf but u r my last. I am serious. Until now I know myself tht I can't find another guy who can treat me like u do ... And I am ur first love too correct ?? U even dream of marrying me in the future. I don't believe u don't love me anymore ... But I dk why u insist on breaking up and leaving me ... I still love u alot alot. If I tell u all this , u will tell me " forget everything I said last time " " forget about me " " hate me " but I can't. I really can't. I will never ever forget u and I will never ever forget about our memories. If ppl can so easily forget each other , then what are love quotes and love songs for ?? What are all those sad lyrics for ??

Without u ..

Living without u is horrible. I can't anymore .. Can I die ?? I miss u so much ... When I hear u calling me baby last time , make me think back of everything .... I love u so much ... Please come back ... I am suffering down here ... Coz of other girls u can down down and meet them but u alw give excuses to meet up with me. What did I do really very wrong that u hate me so much ?? I want u back. I want u to love me back like last time ... Pls baby ... I really can't live without u ... I am feeling very hurt .... I only feel comfortable around u ... U know me the best. U should know I really can't live without u ... Pls baby ....

Miss u ..

"I miss u. Can u come back to me ?? What must I do to make u come back to me ?? Pls look at my way. I am feeling very miserable. " I wanna tell u all this and beg u again for patch back but will u ?? Everyday when I sleep , I dreamt tht u ask me for patch back. But why in real life u ignore me more and more ?? What did I do wrong so much that u hate me so much now ... Do u think I hav forgotten all about our memories ?? No. I still rmb every single things. But guess u hav forgotten. I could not tell u coz u told u me forgot all about these. I can't. Forever I can't. Guess u are happy with ur that new fren which is a girl. I wish u all the best for ur n Lvl .... And I will never ever forget u ... Coz I really love u ....

Memories ....

Idk why everytime I think back of our memories. When u totally forgotten about it. Can u tell me what I did wrong tht u hate me so much now ?? I have no idea. I didn't take revenge on u whenever u did bad things to me but u can't take small mistake ?? I can't possibly be a perfect girl rite. It was just a small mistake and u become a different person towards me ... What did I do wrong pls. ? I really miss our memories ....

Bitch

How well do u know him to judge me am him rs ?? For ur goodness sake. U and him only started to talk when we nt tgt alr which is like 2 month only. And u tell me u can judge ?? Oh hahah funny. Come I clap for u. I know him for 1 year plus pls. I don' hate u. I just dislike u when u started to flirt with him. Now u r making me to hate u. Because u make him close to u. You said what ?? U can stop talking to him but u can't stop him talking to u ?!? HAHAHHAH. IF u didn't start a topic he won't talk to u. I am not trying to be on his side but I know he is not so despo. He can stay not talking to girls when he tgt with me why now can't ?? The answer is so simple. IT IS BECAUSE YOU FUCKING GO AND TALK TO HIM FIRST. Did u hav fun talking to him and laughing with him ?? I wish u the best. Continue having fun for now. There is alw this thing called "revenge " how many rs u break ?? Karma will come back to u one. And when tht day come , I will just look at u and ask u "how does it feel like to get hurt by a guy u love so much ?? " hahahha. U should ATLEAST experience ma. Lets happily wait for the day

Tears ...

Tears keep flowing down and he didn't know. I don't want him know too. He might get angry. He wouldn't care. He can dont care abt me but why I can't ?? Am I that bad ? Tell me what I did wrong .. I will change ...

love ???

Why people dont understand how much i am hurtin down here ?? All they say is " u can forget him . U r just not trying . " They dk the hurt i am feeling . I love him . So so much .. but ... if he is happier without me , okay .. i will let him go . Jut coz i let him go dosent mean I dont love him anymore . Just because i am laughing dosent mean i am happy . No matter how much i try to forget him, he will alw come to my mind . I just love him so much . why he dont understand . If only he knew how much i am hurting. He may think i am acting by crying infront of him but i am really not acting . U use to wipe away my tears for me but now ?? U dont even care about me anymore .. I just wanna die . But i am scared the pain might follow me all the way . He may be happy tht i am not inside this world anymore but i am scared i might still feel the pain after i die .. If only he know how muvh i am hurting and come back to me ...

hurt hurt hurt ..

Why must he hurt me ? Why must he replace me with another girl ? What did i do wrong to deserve all this. I believed in love becasue of him . I laugh all because of him .. now i am hurt because of him . He is happy seeing me hurt . he broke my heart and he is happy laughing with girls , dont care about my feeling ? where is the guy who love me so much ? Where is the guy who alw care about me ? where did he go ?? Can i get him back ? i still cant forget him and i am hurting so much